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retread| Fi Yadd Allah [In God’s Hand] 14 March 2008

Posted by EDITOR in GUESTS, Spirituality.
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Retreads are quality posts from yesterweeks that are given a second run on Fridays (formerly Saturdays). This is a piece was originally shared on 13 May 2007 by guest contributor Laury Silvers.

My mother is getting old. Old enough now she realizes that her children do not have good relationships with one another or with her. Old enough to realize she doesn’t want to die with the family not a family at all. Whenever she was in a tight spot, my mom used to play that Stones song, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” She’d play it over and over. I remember her sometimes lying on the floor listening to that song with the speakers on either side of her head. It’s a little late in the game to want us to be a family now, Mom. I don’t see it.

Thank God forgiving my mother does not require me saying she never put us in any danger. I don’t have to cast some rosy light on things. I don’t need her to take responsibility for what happened to us. Forgiveness is not some perspective on things. Forgiveness does not come with stipulations. In fact, forgiveness required nothing of me. I couldn’t forgive her. I gave her over to God to forgive and I prayed that He would allow me to get a glimpse of it. Forgiveness belongs to God alone. There is no god but God. And so, I have forgiven my mother. I love her more than I can bear, walhamdolelah.

But I do not see us becoming a family, ever. I cannot see it for the life of me. Thank God sight belongs to God alone. Allah, I give this over to You to see. My sight, my life, my mother, my family, all I am belongs to You, Rabbal-`alamin. Amin.

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