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Mental Fundy 7 August 2006

Posted by MOZAFFAR in Humor, Misc, MOZAFFAR.

We were driving through Florida to attend an Islamic conference. We took the jamaat car. Some people call these cars dua cars, I call them jamaat cars. They’re sedans that have big dents, and are usually out of gas. Go to a mosque that has jamaat members, and you’ll see plenty of jamaat cars.

These cars have no problems speeding. Sure the whole car shakes, but at 90 mph, what car doesn’t shake?

Then, you get pulled over by the cops. They don’t like it when you drive 90. They also don’t like it when the sedan, designed to hold 5 people, is holding 8 college students. All with beards. All dressed in wrinkled thobes (even though none are Arabs). All coated in cheetos or peanut powder. Well, I think they don’t like it. I never asked. I asked a different question.

I stop the car, but it’s still shaking. I realize it’s me.

So, the cop is looking at my license, and I ask him the honest question: “do you think there is any chance we can change Dade county to ‘Dude county?’”

The cop glanced at me for a second. Didn’t flinch or anything otherwise, but went back to his car.

I don’t think the cop heard the sigh from the rest of the guys in the car.

When he came back some ten minutes later, I took it further.

“I have a cousin at Miami-Dade Community College. I think we should name it Miami-Dude Community College.”

Another sigh. This time, Raju, the new convert pulled out his giant dry miswak and just as he was about to put that hard thing to his teeth, the cop says forcefully, “Passenger. Put both hands on the dash in front of you.”

Of course, there were two guys in the passenger seat, so I asked the cop, “Dude, you see they’re two of them there?”

I hear this whisper from the back seat, “shut. up.”

I’m getting mad — why are they telling me to shuttup, because that’s bad adab — so I didn’t pay attention when the cop told us, “All of you, step out of the car. With your hands on behind your heads. Then, put your hands on the car, and something something.”

Everyone is getting out, and I’m hesitating because I don’t know what the cop says, and I’m confused. I was gonna ask him to repeat, but I didn’t want someone to tell me to shuttup again.

We get out and the cop tells me to open the trunk. Oh great.

I open it, and it’s just full of our bags. But, it gets worse.

He makes us take the bags out, and underneath it all are a bunch of cds. Well, there are also tons of crumbs, dates, He picks up a disc, and it says, handwritten with a sharpie, “how to dismantle an atomic bomb.”

Oh man, am I worried. He’s gonna think we’re a bunch of terrorists.

“I’m not gonna ask if this is a bootleg, because I know you’re going to destroy this as soon as you get to your destination.” He lets us put our bags back in the car.

He gives me back my license, and says, “I thought Muslims were supposed to be honest, clean people.” And he lets us go.

I wanted to ask him about my Miami-Dude idea, but I just nodded.

As we got on the road, the passengers started exercising more bad adab, but I didn’t respond.




1. talib - 8 August 2006

moment i started thinking this was a piece of fiction: the cop thinks muslims are honest and clean and pronounces it ‘muslims’ rather than the more common among law enforcement ‘muzlems’. and he knows about popular hippy rock musicians? and they’re in florida? c’mon now. good fiction maintains some semblance of a connection with reality. this is way too fantastical, lucas. :)

2. The Turk - 8 August 2006

I have to agree with Dr. Jou. I remember walking downtown LA and there was some El salvodarian protest march. Some sherriff stops me thinking I am salvodarian and run a check on my cali id against his little computer. And even after seeing my name etc the sherrif thought I was el salvadorain. My name is not even remotely Spanish. I am named after out Propht(saw). And this is a couple months after 9/11. So not too bright the cops out there..

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